I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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