seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
