tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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