i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
