Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
