On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My cat gives me a boner
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
