the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
