dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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