shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
smell my finger.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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