no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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