I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
