Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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