is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
