people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
