Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
