I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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