we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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