Swine flu is the new snow day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
