Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
