I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
