I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
