well I can't set my house on fire every night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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