i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
