yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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