Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
