We won't sleep together?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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