Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
