I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
