Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
