woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
