How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
