Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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