Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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