I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
