i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
