From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
