just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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