drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
