can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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