I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
