Me too!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
