I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
