We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
