how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
