he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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