i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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