I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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