also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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