we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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