did you get engaged???
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
