yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
