zippers are such a cool invention
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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