It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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