When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
