A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
soo... how was my night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
