chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize