so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
