The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
