I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
