Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
