All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
