and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
