dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
