saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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