At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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