and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
