Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just cropdusted the office
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
