you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
